Many cultures around the world have multiple words, which represent all the different kinds of love that there are. In the English language however, the word “love”, is used to refer to a wide variety of experiences. It may be the word used to represent feeling states, attitudes, pleasures or strong affections felt for any number of things from romantic attachments to sexual attachments or plutonic attachments.
This practice of using one term to cover a wide variety of definitions as well as complex emotional states is partly responsible for the confusion most people alive today have with regards to the idea of love.
It is for this reason that I would like to introduce you to the way that the universe at large sees love. It is a feeling space rather than a cerebral concept; therefore it is an experience rather than an intellectualization.
To the universe at large, and therefore your transcendental eternal self, love is not just an emotion or a virtue; it is a basis for all physical and non-physical being. All things created were created from love to love. Love is in essence the profound feeling space of total and complete oneness. Because your higher self is constantly in the reality of oneness, it is in the state of constant unconditional love. But because we are in the space of this three-dimensional reality of separateness unconditional love is a feeling space. It is a mental attitude, it is a decision we make and most importantly it is a skill to be developed. Loving is something we learn to do, and loving unconditionally is a lifelong practice.
Loving unconditionally is not something that can be experienced outside the parameters of worth. If you are still basing worth of yourself or others on externals, such as what a person does and says, their talents, their gender, their aptitudes or their short-comings you are practicing conditional love.
To unconditionally love is to see the true essence of your own worth as well as the worth of others. To unconditionally love others is to see that worth has nothing to do with externals i.e. anything they will leave behind in death.
It is also to see the identical nature of your, as well as their core essence and allow yourself in that recognition, to experience the unchanging eternal feeling space of that unity, regardless of any conditions that differentiate you from them in this life.
No one on this earth deliberately practices conditional love but most people of earth today practice conditional love by default. Most people do not know any other way to love, not only because conditional love is the kind of love that is demonstrated to them and people learn primarily by example, but also because most people have forgotten their eternal non-physical and therefore true nature. People often labor under the false premise that feeling love for something is conditioned upon that external thing first being enjoyable. And so, if it is not it must change first before it is loveable.
This could not be further from the truth. Nowhere is this more paramount than in the relationship between you and yourself. No suffering is ever about another person; it is always the result of the relationship between you and yourself.
You can never get anything else other than external relationships that are an exact reflection of the internal relationship that you have with yourself. So the real question to ask yourself is “am I practicing unconditional love with myself?”
If you do not feel unconditional love for yourself it feels terrible because it is an opinion toward yourself that your higher self does not share and so you will feel the disharmony of that extreme lack of resonance between you and you. And so the person with whom unconditional love must start is with the epicenter of your reality, yourself. From there the unconditional nature of your love will reflect out across everything else in your life.
No achievement could ever fill the void where self-love should be and no one else could ever love someone enough to compensate for their lack of self-love. In order to get love, you must give it. You cannot give love if you do not give it to yourself. It may seem a bit backwards that the second you are able to get love from someone else is the second you do not need it because you have already achieved it within yourself and are no longer therefore experiencing the need for it. But this is how the universe works.
You cannot in truth ever gain anything from the need of it. This is because need is the energetic equivalent of not having. Therefore the only thing that you can attract into your life is more not having.
It is only when you get to the energetic vicinity of already having whatever it is that you want that you can get it. You do this by incrementally training your thoughts to the space of having love. And so the best way to get unconditional love is to ask yourself what unconditional love of yourself would look like and feel like to you and then focus solely upon that.
Choose to give your undivided attention to what you do like about yourself. Try to reach for this feeling space of your true essential nature. Don’t condemn yourself for externals you have picked up in your physical life including the fact that you may be experiencing the lack of love for yourself at this instantaneous, temporary point in time.
It may take a good amount of time to gradually train yourself into self-love as it is undoubtedly taken some time for you to be influenced out of self-love. It does not matter how long it takes, all that matters is that you are withdrawing your focus from anything that feels bad to think about yourself and refocusing on things that feel good to think about yourself.
This simplistic practice may seem no match for the daunting task of really unconditional loving yourself because it could have been something that eluded you for years. The fact of the matter is self-love usually eludes people for years because they do not realize that it is within their power at any moment to think different thoughts than those which are already so much a part of their habitual thought patterns that they feel uncontrollable.
Practicing kind thoughts that are an energetic match to self-love will help you experience your worth and all its full bounty, and once you begin to manifest it towards yourself it can do no other than manifest towards everyone else in your experience.
About the Author
In 2012 Teal founded Headway Foundation, a nonprofit company that enables ideas, goals and ventures aimed at positive world change to come to fruition. In the years to come, Headway Foundation will encompass programs, centers, companies and products in the areas of justice reform, education, end of life care, self-help, healing, parenting, integrative medicine, food industry reform and spirituality http://www.askteal.com